Coffee Date: wild + free.


Coffee dates originate right here: but while she’s taking a bit of a break, you can find all the coffee date goodness over at There should be LOVE buttons for this type of thing, guys. 

I’ve got this Kathleen Kelly vibe going on today, coffee buddy. I’m just in the mood to toss out a bunch of rhetorical questions into the void, knowing that they’re being received by something even better than a Joe Fox–a community. And in this community, we’re real. We’re searchers. We’re dissatisfied with the norm. So here we go:

If we were on a coffee date, I’d drag you to the Starbucks near my house. I’m feeling a fat-free flat white, but I’d be all over that venti. ALL OVER. I’d show you my new baja and I’d laugh as I told you that I think I’m trying to be a teenager again. How I moved heaven and earth to find this baja only to realize that the only people I’d seen wear them are the TEENAGERS I work with. And now… I can’t wear it to work because then all the teenagers are going to think I’m copying them. AND THEN MAYBE WE’D HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT OVER-THINKING AND ANXIETY.

If we were on a coffee date, I’d ask you to please call me Amanda. Please, please. I need you to see me.

If we were on a coffee date, I’d tell you about my friends: Laura, Erin, and Emily. I met two of them while we were all journalism majors and they were two of the only people in the whole major who wanted to know me. And Emily…gah. That girl was the first person I met on my first day of college and she is one of the very best friends I’ve ever had. I’ve been thinking about them here and there over the past few weeks and…I love the way they live. Neither one is really related to the other besides this common thread: they live well. They live wild and free–they have amazing laughs and when life gets tough, they find SOMETHING to laugh about. And I love that. I’m getting to where I crave being around people who laugh BIG and love BIG and dream BIG. I mean…why shouldn’t we? But beyond that, coffee buddy…I’d tell you that these three are people who’ve circled back into my life over the past 3 months and I’d tell you…these are the real friends. They’re the ones you lose contact with for a bit and pick right back up with. They’re the ones who come rushing out of the shadows to pick you back up. Find the real friends, coffee buddy. And if you’re ever feeling lonely, know you’re not.

If we were on a coffee date, I’d ask you if you remember the last time you were wild and free. I’ve been thinking a lot about what happens between adolescence and adulthood, where it’s like we’ve been trained to wake up, do a job, and go home. And yet…we were once wild and free. We once held onto ideas and dreams and let imagination roam free. What happened, coffee buddy? Are we all just hiding? Why are we all so afraid?

If we were on a coffee date, I’d ask you what you think it means to hide from yourself. There’s this incredible quote from the movie Joy and I can’t shake it: “When you’re hiding, you’re safe because people can’t see you. But funny thing about hiding, you’re even hidden from yourself.”

If we were on a coffee date, I’d spread out all my ideas. Visual poetry ideas, nonprofits I’d like to start, businesses I think would work, entrepreneurship, earning an MBA versus a master’s in Forensic Psychology–honestly, I’d tell you that I’ve strongly considered getting both but then decided I was INSANE and needed to just PICK.ONE.

If we were on a coffee date, I’d tell you about this reading challenge. And how it’s going to kick my butt. Pretty much that’s all I have to say! Oh, but I’d invite you to join me and tell me what you’re reading. Tell me what you’re learning, buddy.

Finally, if we were on a coffee date, I’d ask resolutions. Did you find your word for 2017? What do you hope for this year? Did you pick up your heart from last year? Do you know where to start? And do you know that even when you mess up you’re not finished? If you take nothing else from our chats, coffee buddy, please know that you’re not finished. I hope you find the bravery to start things fresh, start anew.



4 thoughts on “Coffee Date: wild + free.

  1. Kate says:

    Friends like that are the best! I have the same struggle with feeling like maybe I’m “too old” for certain things, like I should let the teenagers have their fun and stay in my lane cause maybe it’s weird that I’m interested in…I can’t think of a good example right now but I know I’ve been there! Oh well. I hope you find a good middle ground and enjoy your hard won baja after all : )

    • notyouraveragecoffeebean says:

      Hi friend! Thank you for commenting! Next coffee date, I’ll have to post a picture of my teenage baja. 😉 And yes, being 24 is such a weird age because I still don’t feel like an adult, but then I realize…I’m 7 years older than the seventeen year olds and…it just SOUNDS so old now. Thank you for feeling my pain!

  2. Erin Salmon says:

    Kathleen Kelly FOREVER. Also, have you read “Wild and Free” by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan? If not, I highly recommend it. Right now, I’m reading through Rebekah Lyons’ new book for her launch team — it is about freedom, too. How crazy, that it has been such a common thread throughout 2017.

    Truthfully, I don’t know when the last time I felt wild and free was. I don’t know. It is something that I’ve been pondering, too, as I’ve been reading these books. I have always just been the girl who looked like she had her stuff together. But I do hide. I let shame and anxiety and depression and all of my muck just paralyze me. There’s a song I love about hiding your heart away, and it says “its true, you’ll never beat, but you’ll never break.” SO powerful. I want this year to be different, though, and I’m hearing that you do, too. I’ll be praying and cheering you on, girl!

    We are too close together to not actually meet up for coffee sometime, so I say we make a plan!

    Lastly, my vote is for forensic psychology. So badass. 🙂

    • notyouraveragecoffeebean says:

      Erin! Your comment made me smile so big. I love our virtual friendship and I couldn’t agree more that we need to meet up for a coffee date! I’ve actually been thinking about messaging you about it, but thank you for bringing it up. It means a lot!

      I actually have Wild and Free, but it’s one of the books I think I’m a little scared to delve into. But I need to and I think I’m ready for it. And ah, yes. Hiding is my weak spot, but I haven’t realized it until recently. I just keep wondering, “What am I so scared of?” And I don’t know the answer yet. But you telling me you struggle too makes it a little easier, knowing I’m not the only one.

      Oh and I agree! Forensic psychology would be totally badass!

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